Concession Confession


So get this.

The Urologist was scheduled to work a shift in the kiddie baseball concession stand a couple of weeks ago. And because I am the best person in the entire world, I offered to sub so that he could enjoy an evening with his son.

I expected to pass out some Cokes and a few packs of Skittles. I was not told there would be math.

I can give you exact information regarding 19th century European stage craft, I cannot, however, make exact change. To all the math teachers who allowed us to use calculators in school, thanks for nothing. I sure as heck have not needed AP Calculus, but a week ago subtraction would have come in handy.

You try to solve the following equation on the fly…

2 hot dogs, 1 hamburger combo, 1 chicken finger combo, 3 boxes of popcorn, a pickle, 1 Coke, 1 Sprite, 2 Blue Power Aids, a basket of boiled peanuts, and 6 pieces of gum.

Did you get $32.50? Well, I got a panic attack.

There was a gentleman who attempted to ‘help’ me by yelling out the order totals. Sir, your math shaming was unhelpful. Also, you did not need that third hotdog.

As usual, I was over dressed. I wore a white blouse and white sneakers which was an ill advised choice. As I ran back and forth between the shaved ice machine, the popcorn popper, and the coke fountain, I managed to create an interesting tie-dye swirl of blue cotton candy syrup, yellow oil, and brown soda drip. Funeral services for the blouse will take place Thursday afternoon.

Most of my fellow concession stand workers were under the age of 18. During the evening I came to understand that these baseball parents are wise. They job their shifts out to high school kids at something like $50 an hour. I have a college degree and I know of no job that would pay me 50 bucks an hour. And that includes stripping.

I was slated to work from 4 PM - 7:30 PM. Our replacement shift was a no show, so I worked a double. I saw A LOT of people that I know. And no less than 12 of these people returned with their phones to photograph me passing out Ring Pops while laughing hysterically.

I think I did a fairly decent job. I was cheerful, gave customers at least some change, and encouraged people to try the vegan options (water and petrified peanuts). I don’t know if the Urologist will ask me to go back, but if so we are gonna do some jewelry shopping.