This is new.
I was introduced (read: dragged across a room against my will) to a urologist a while back. Not for medical purposes, for potential consort. I tried very hard to get rid of him but the man was persistent. I continued to plead the question of my availability (my availability = wide open) but he kindly demanded I select a night for him to squire me about town. I finally gave up the fight. Ok dude, I’ll accept the free dinner. And I have some questions for you.
Mainly what the heck are the parameters of being a urologist? I’m embarrassed to say that I come from a medical family yet am unclear about urology as a specialty. I’m interested in genitalia, not so much in tee tee problems. Is that all there is? Over tuna tartare and a bottle of vino, I dragged him through a shockingly tasteless and detailed inquest. He thought I was hilarious. Apparently me as serious dating person is a not a real thing.
I like information. I also like pretending I am an investigative journalist. I got the scoop on the inner workings of kidney stones, bladder prolapses, prostate surgery, kidney removal, and working with a giant surgery robot. It wasn’t dull.
Here’s what I can report:
It is wise to resist putting the following items up in your man’s business: pencils, shaving cream, flowers with thorns, all animals (living or dead), paperclips, toothbrush handles, and chunky peanut butter. Trust me, no good (or wood) will come of it.
If you must tattoo, please leave your nether region out of it.
Twisted balls can become dead balls. And dead balls is a really bad situation.
7 out of 10 urology emergencies involve bullet wounds to the junk area. It’s not lethal, but it might as well be.
(Ya’ll, quit shooting people in the dick.)
I had one final question as the creme brûlée approached, but he stopped me short.
He does not work with the bung hole. It’s a different specialty.
I don’t know, this could get interesting. He has good hair, is employed in a fully legal profession, and hates cats. Bottom line, he won’t stop calling and I like free dinner.
So I guess we are like, dating, or something.