I don’t mean to be uppity, but I have really lovely feet. I wouldn’t say I have a foot fetish, I just really like to keep my feet beautifully maintained. I cannot say the same for my hands since for some anxiety-related reason I continue to destroy them on a daily basis. I’d love it if someone were to bring back gloves, then I could conceal my mangled and wounded fingers beneath a ladylike accessory. But until they do, I will continue to throw focus to my pristinely pedicured feet.
Enter Baby Foot. I’m a sucker for any “makes your feet softer” product and Baby Foot makes a boldfaced promise to return even the nastiest cracked and dry feet to baby-like softness. Order placed. In a nutshell, you wear a plastic bag filled with gel on your feet for an hour and then rinse it off. Over the next 2 weeks your feet will shed all of their horrors until you are left with nothing but magical baby hooves. And yea, It works.
It takes a few days but when your feet do begin to peel, look out. One morning a few days after, I went to a barre class as usual and began noticing some icky stuff on my mat. “What the eff?!” I thought to myself. “These mats are nasty! They’re supposed to clean these things! I am SO going to complain…” And then it hit me like a Mack truck, the nasty stuff on my mat was my dead foot. I tried to be cool as I quickly put on my socks. Lesson learned. This stuff is legit.
I am down with Baby Foot. When you finish molting, you will indeed have very soft feet. However, during the molting process, you should do the following:
- Employ the use of a dustbuster. Often. Like every 5 minutes.
- Refrain from shoe shopping. Unless you want the rumor mill to churn out the idea that you have contracted leprosy, hold off on the shoe spree. This is not the time.
- Wear nothing but boots or athletic shoes. These are your ONLY options. I had no choice but to go to the Metropolitan Opera in a bootie last weekend, not because it was fashionable (my god, it’s March) but because it was the most reasonable covering for snake foot.
- Get a broom and learn how to work it. The dustbuster will need backup.
- Text photos of your gross peeling feet to all of your friends. They absolutely need to see this.
Amazing. With a side order of gross.